The Mother: A Graphic Memoir

“Through it all, Deutsch is relentlessly honest about her experience.”

Rachel Deutsch opens her memoir, saying "I'd always wanted a baby." Other kids might dream of exploring the oceans or writing the great American novel, but Deutsch was always focused on motherhood. Her dating life centered on finding a good prospective father. As she writes, "I so desperately wanted a family, it was hard to enjoy anything that didn't seem to be directly leading to that."

Predictably, her twenties go by in a blur of relationships that don't end well. The men Deutsch describes are comically self-involved. One potential dad mansplains to her about feminism, which somehow isn't enough of a red flag to her (instead she sees him as "so wise"). It's only when he shows her a photo of his girlfriend that she realizes he may not be the ideal candidate she'd assumed.

She's in her mid-thirties when she meets Marc, who is as intent on having kids quickly as she is. So naturally they move in together, determined to make things work. Deutsch sketches out Marc's pros and cons on one page.

"Pros:

Warm and caring

Cleaning pro

So organized!

Good at talking things through

Cons:

Plays video games a lot

Can't sit still

Rolls eyes

Grossly exaggerates bad weather"

Obviously, with these two lists and no glaring warning signs, it's a match made in heaven. When Deutsch gets pregnant, the tone of the book shifts, becoming even more introspective.

"The first few weeks I was terrified of having a miscarriage . . . and also somehow fearful of staying pregnant."

Having spent her youth dreaming of becoming a mother, the reality suddenly seems frightening.

"My life is changing forever.

I wanted this yet . . .

What if I can't love my children?

What if my kid hates me and when she grows up she never speaks to me?"

The middle section of the book deals with fights with Marc, driven by her hormonal surges, along with a deep dive into all the mental health issues in her family. The tone lightens with the actual birth which Deutsch seems to float through, thanks to an epidural.

The final section details the realities of motherhood.

"Now, as a new mother, I was sad and angry, but happy, too.

How could I feel so many opposing feelings?"

Through it all, Deutsch is relentlessly honest about her experience. There's no sugar-coating here, no great epiphany about the meaning of life, just a kind of peace. Or as Deutsch sums it up:

"After almost a year of terrible fights, loneliness, and exhaustion, we were finally softening. Like butter left out on the counter."